So I played in derby two nights ago. something this constantly is coming up at performances is marking the end. the beginning is ok in a sense because it usually goes 'the DJ turns the sound down gradually to nothing, people become aware something is about to start, i start', thats usually pretty straight forward but recently i feel i've been trying to fuck around with peoples idea of when a performance ends. after the kraufort gig in january i felt like we hadn't really got going so when we stopped by 'both unplugging our output leads at the same time' it was silent, then i struggled with putting the lead back in. i had a loop going and i kept plugging and unplugging it in but my hand was quite shaky for some reason so i couldn't do it that rapidly. Jonathan anounced to the audience that we had finished but i stayed in the same position that i was in pretty much all the way through the performance. the dj begins to play sounds again and the audience back away. the promoter asks me 'had you finished?' and i think of a reply.

at the horn in hand last week when i played as a fill in for a band who were ill and was put on as headliner i was given the room/time to do what the hell i wanted. i could have probably played for an hour and not have been stopped and it was the longest performance i have done as stables(around 26 minutes). there was a period at this performance where i turned off my mixer so there was silent, from me at least, i then began to try and bow a cymbal which didn't really work because my bow is broken and slack. i tried for a while and eventually got a bit of a sound out of it. i went over to a mic that was set up for the earlier performers to sing into and i held the cymbal near it.

URGENCY
this has arose alot recently, a sense of urgency or at least abandoning it. I think talking to jonathan and patch has helped as i feel much less pressure to 'do something' at all times. at the horn in hand there was a period where I just stopped doing anything and sat on te floor away from the audience, i thought everyone had left or at least the few people there weren't even listening/ watching/ aware that i was still 'doing something'. i thought for a few moments, i can't remember whether i was happy or unhappy or uncomfortable or what. i made a decision that i didn't want the audiences attention anymore at that in a sense it was the end of the performance and i would be creating no more sounds for people to consiosly take in/listen to so i gentle stood up and walked backwards to a seat in the audience and sat next to an audience member. people clapped and a dj put sounds on and that was that. i stayed sat down for a few moment.

i am constantly thinking about the audiences decision to make a judgement of when to mark an ending. it is almost as if the end is when the first first clap is sounded, as if all sound before this was part of the performance as it seems the performance has ended so rather than show appreciation the clap acts as a signal for the audience to make there own sounds and get back to whatever they were doing before the performance started.

in derby two nights ago i was sure i was going to make an announcement at the beginning that i was going to perform two piece, one alone and one with patch, almost as a warning to not just get back to what they were doing before i started, after the first piece. i had told the promoter i was doing two pieces so she was aware of this. so after the solo piece i sort of half arsedly said 'ok so thats one', what a stupid thing to say, i hate music that is like an exercise video and i basically said thats what i had just done and now i'm going to do another exercise but with patch. we are both going to do an exercise. i was stupid, i have issues with directly talking to the audience and this is the problem, i guess i can hide behind the music i am producing but then i am angry when someone things i have finished before i have but then i don't adress this directly. this happens at all sorts off performances. i'm sure animal collective have a song that goes very quiet and then the audience clapped but then the song goes into another section. its embarresing. if you were to clap and then a band continue the song after 'their quiet bit' you'd look stupid, as if you didn't understand the music or something.

So me and patch are playing and i make the decision to stop doing direct feed back loops and switch over to a microphone on a snare drum. i pull out the lead which will stop the sound i am emitting and there is a sudden drop to near silence, patch's singing bowl is resonating. i am hoping that the mic picks up something but nothing happens, it wasn't till yesterday that i realised that nothing happens. we don't move, someone claps and thats it, its over because someone in the audience has come to the conclusion that because a sound stops it must be the end, but we haven't phyically moved or acknoledged an ended. the promoter knows i've had two claps so it must be over. the sounds play from the dj both and people turn away. me and patch then proceed to pack away in a performative like way. or at least i did. hmm